I want to stick my p in your. b.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
