i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
