You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
