I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize