i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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