She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize