listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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