butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
