Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
