Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
