the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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