I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
