At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
