i would punch a child for taco bell
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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