She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
