i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
