Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
