you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
