I showed him my bush... on skype.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
