Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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