2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
