u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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