who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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