you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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