Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
