my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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