they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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