imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
