I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
