Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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