Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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