guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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