mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
