hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
