I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the condom got lost in my hair
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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