I wish I could punch you in the face.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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