I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
