if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
