The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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