Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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