I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
