the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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