i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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