saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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