so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
