I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
