I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize