I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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