the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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