guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't put those talents on a resume
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
