for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
