her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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