Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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