and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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