Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
