Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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