i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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