He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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