Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
