I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
