Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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