im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
