"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
