I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
