I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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