How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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