He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
