you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
