my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
