Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
