Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
