Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
