you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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