hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
