we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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