Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
