Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
