Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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