if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
