Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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