just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
