A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
