Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's just like the Real World with babies
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
