my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just blew my weed a kiss
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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