I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
