We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
